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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: November 8th, 2022

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  • I’ve got alot of people I’ve promised that I won’t off myself. Those promises were mainly what got me through the dark times.

    I set up a plan a while back now. Once I hit an age where I feel pain all the time, I’ll start evaluating whether I’m getting enough enjoyment out of life to continue. If I decide it’s time, I start getting my affairs in order. Getting closure with folks, having some good final talks with folks, giving the advice I can, documenting that I know that I haven’t documented yet, distributing my things, etc.

    At the end of it, if I still feel like going, I’ll get my N2 tank and respirator and find a nice place to sit.

    I’ve given myself 30 years for my first raincheck. Might push it up if things get real bad, but it’s pretty alright ATM so I don’t think I will RN.








  • Saw the aftermath of a pretty bad motorcycle accident, with the rider receiving CPR. It was confirmed later by the news that they didn’t make it. I was stuck at a light and able to see the scene for a few solid minutes, but it really didn’t impact me heavily. Honestly it felt even less relevant than footage I’d seen before since I was having to actually drive and my attention couldn’t be put entirely on the accident.

    In contrast, I was there for a friend putting their dog down. The amount of emotion everyone was going through was much more pronounced - you could physically feel the sadness around you.

    Seeing death always has an uneasy aspect to it, but I think the real impact comes from social ceremony. We choose to feel pain over it as a way to heal, I think.






  • One thing I think should definitely be put out there more loudly is that Alexithymia(emotional blindness) is likely very common among dudes. I’m mostly going off personal experience, and how I’ve had issues identifying my emotions, and how I’ve heard some dudes I’ve talked to straight up just say they think they don’t feel things. I suspect potentially most dudes don’t understand how to detect emotions outside of very intense sadness, anger, etc. and I think that they need that communicated and a path they can maybe follow.