What you do?

You start getting into Linux, buy open source t shirts, grow a beard, listen to Stallman talks, and stop interacting with normies ever again. Only communicate through text travelling over open source technologies.

Make sure you spend enough hours in front of a keyboard to get a very pale skin color, reddish eyes and a rounded spine and neck. Pull down curtains so you see your screen better and avoid sunlight.

Drink lots of soda while sitting completely still so you gain fat and lose muscles.

I use Arch btw.

Brains are very good at eventually becoming comfortable with a new normal.

They’re also good at being distracted temporarily.

If you can keep yourself busy with positive things (self improvement, cleaning, exercise, cooking), you give your brain space to become accustomed to the new status quo.

Meeting new people is always a good thing to do too, something to keep the social part of your brain from wallowing. Maybe join a local social activity (walking/hiking groups are great).

I had something similar happen a few years back. I had matched on tinder with someone from a different state that I actually met years ago in high school. I hadn’t really been interested in him that way back then, but we reconnected and it was intense. We talked everyday and our birthdays both fell on the same weekend, so I went down there to visit him and celebrate together. Only a couple days in, he told me one night that he was falling in love with me. We built a pillow fort, partied, and went hiking together. I was absolutely smitten and so excited to start something new.

I ended up putting off the rest of my road trip to stay longer with him. However, when I finally did leave, I was driving through miles of desert when he texted me and said that he actually didn’t see anything happening between us. He said that he wanted someone who knew when to “leave him the f alone” and wasn’t looking for someone who wanted something super deep, but more so just companionship. It felt like such a rejection of who I was and I was gutted. I felt like it was somehow my fault. Since I didn’t have signal, it was a rough drive alone with my thoughts.

Towards the end of the night, I ended up texting with a friend about it while I camped out (still on my road trip). It sucked at the time but looking back, he was kind of a prick. He had no shame about leading me on and he picked on me for little things while I was visiting him.

It’s usually a bad sign when things feel so intense right off the bat. It’s only easy for this guy to leave because he really doesn’t know you well enough to know what he’s missing out on. It might feel like you missed some chance, but it isn’t your fault that this happened and there wasn’t more you could do. Be gentle with yourself. ❤️ This guy wasn’t honest with himself or with you about his feelings, and he ended up hurting you for it. It’s clear to me that he likely isn’t mature enough for you. Remind yourself that you were willing to go the distance, right? You did everything you could have. You want someone who will go the distance with you and follow you to the ends of the earth, and tbh, it’s much more likely something to do with him, not you. Meaning that even if the distance wasn’t an issue, you don’t know if it would work either.

And you don’t have to get over it right away. It’s okay to just kind of drag through the days for a bit. But keep socializing, because other nice (and even attractive!) people will remind you that you still have something left and you’re worth kindness from others. And do things for yourself. When I get lost after heartbreak, what has helped a lot is going for walks or hikes, sometimes on trails where the signal is iffy (so I don’t expect a surprise text), with an audiobook or some music. I really wish you the most kindness. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need any extra support, I’ve been there.

Eve: Time changes everything.
Dr. Gregory House: That’s what people say, it’s not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.
-House

Make new memories people. If you’re a friend of someone in this position make sure to get them out and do things.

Hobbies, exercise, friends, family, and just putting yourself out there when you’re ready. Also, time.

Do you want some good news? You probably dodged a bullet. Based on what you’re saying, he wouldn’t be a good person for a long-term relationship, even if you two lived near each other.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it?

Kind of. She broke up once she decided to go back with her parents (NB: she was around 24yo, I was 20), and we two had no pretension to keep a distance relationship.

In your situation I’d probably recommend focusing on the things that you need to finish this week. And when they’re over, find something else to keep yourself busy. Time heals.

I was in a long distance relationship that didn’t work out… this is going back about 9 years so I have a long perspective of it now.

Long story short I was in a short but emotionally intense fling with a girl who lived across the country. We had originally met in real life on a friends trip together (as we had mutual friends) and did a couple trips back and forth to see each other in person, spending every other night apart on the phone / video chat. She broke up with me after becoming interested in a guy back home, from what I heard from mutual friends.

It really hurt, I was crushed and didn’t know what to do with my time anymore. We had developed this routine that was now torn away from me and I just wanted to drown my sorrows. I ended up just going out to bars and clubs most nights to keep myself entertained. About a month later I joined the online dating pool and went on a few dozen dates trying to recapture the connection.

I found something far better though, with someone I learned I related too far more personally and hobby wise, she became my wife and we have a beautiful toddler at home i’m struggling to get to take naps by himself.

Everything about the other girl is a distant memory, I forget her names most times it pops into my head - and that’s going back years now. I still remember some lessons I learned from that relationship though.

That’s all to say, life moves on and that’s not just a sappy saying. You honestly will recover and be a better person for it.

Time heals all wounds. Make sure you don’t keep reopening them.

I would not be too hard on yourself. Like you said long distance is extremely hard and kills relationships, even long term ones, let alone a young one like yours. It takes work - video calls, presents, routine conversation - and that comes from a commitment that you two hadn’t established yet. Or perhaps he was never willing to provide.

It is scary how quickly feelings can change, but I put that down again to how little you guys had known each other. I also had a 3 month relationship that was amazing, and we went LDR and it was like I couldn’t even remember their face or their voice after a while. If you had known him for say a year, it would have been a lot different.

• I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I’m genuinely interested in

Yup, it seems like u were a lot more invested in the relationship than him

• Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing?

That depends entirely on how u want to cope with it, some people (my self included) do some work out to sweat those feelings, some others go on a journey to experience any debauchery known to mankind, some other just drink some tea/coffee and call it a day.

Just do something that already makes u happy or try something new that u think is gonna make u feel better.

I have, though it ended up with that person disappearing and trying to commit suicide. It took me a long time to get over the associated trauma.

The way I see it now is that love isn’t something that will bind people to you and keep them with you forever. If you love someone, let them go, let them be free. If they still choose to be with you, then they love you too. If not, you couldn’t have held on to that person without causing resentment and pain to both of you.

I hope some of this helps :)

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

-Markus Aurelius

Many people find serious long-term commitments scary. A short-term commitment might be serious too, but because you expect it will end sooner, it might be easier for someone to get into. As a result of this phenomenon, expect that international relationships are going to end, enjoy them until they do, and if you’re one of the lucky (?) few who break the trend, kudos to you.

You probably dodged a bullet there. This sounds a lot like someone who is already in a relationship or at the very least has a similarly strong reason to move on. Did they invite you over or was it always about them coming over?

Only time really works for me. This will be extra tough on you because the first month of a relationship is peak honeymoon phase. We rarely see any negatives. The other person is essentially perfect in our eyes during that period. And that’s the memory and expectations you’re left with. In truth though, you have at best only met the tip of the iceberg. You’re not craving a person but rather the ideal your mind has built for them.

This last time, I couldn’t.

I’ve given up trying.